In dealing with conflict, we all have to face some ethical dilemmas. On the one hand we are called to be a peace loving people. Paul wrote in Romans 12:18, "If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone." That has do be counterbalanced against something Jesus said. He said in Matthew 18:15, "If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over."

There comes a time when a brother must be confronted for his own good. Paul says in Galatians 6:1, "Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted." There even comes a time when you stand up against those who want to impose their ideas on you. When the legalists in Galatians, sought to impose the rule of circumcision on the Gentile Christians, Paul said in Galatians 5:1, " It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery."

So to respond to conflict, we must act decisively. But coming to a decision about the appropriate attitude is not an easy matter. Paul had some things to say to the church at Corinth, but he wanted to be very careful, lest he says those things in a way that might bring unnecessary pain.

A few years ago, I was on an airplane flight and as they usually do, they brought around the complimentary beverage service. The stewardess missed me. I didn't get a package of peanuts. I didn't get a coke. As far as she was concerned, I didn't exist. I noticed that they didn't miss anybody who paid for the booze. In fact the flight attendants were having a good time talking with those people. What do you do about something like that? My first inclination was to do nothing. It's really not big deal. I missed out on a coke, that was really mostly ice and little snack that may have consisted of 10 peanuts. I really didn't want to go to war over a coke and 10 peanuts. Why should I ruin somebody else's day over such a trivial matter? Why should I risk making a scene in front of the other passengers? Would that really be Christ-like?

But the more I thought about it, the more in bugged me. I paid a pretty good price to ride on that airplane. A complimentary beverage and a package of peanuts is supposed to come with it. In fact, I doubt that you'll never buy a higher priced coke anywhere. I tried to deny my feelings, but finally I decided that I was ticked and acted decisively. I decided to say something. I wasn't going to be ugly about it, but I was going to let the stewardess know that she messed up. I made that decision because I knew that the minute I got off that plan, Ann would be there waiting for me and I didn't want to get off that plane in a bad mood and take all my anger out on her. So I adopted plan that fell somewhere between letting it go and suing the airline. I asked the stewardess, "Why didn't you offer me a beverage?" Stewardesses usually smile at you regardless of what she say. She forgot her smile. She said, "Well do you wan to want now?" We were going to exit the aircraft in minutes? I kept my smile and I said, "I just want you to know what you did." I figured she would be more attentive to business the next time she got on the plane.

It's very important for us to decide to deal with conflict. You need to choose when you to go to war, over what, and how you do it, but it ought to be a deliberate choice, not just an emotional reaction.

PAUL MANAGED CONFLICT BY MAKING SURE HIS MOTIVES WERE PURE

Whether or not Paul should have made the painful trip is subject to debate, but his attitude was not. Why did Paul want to avoid the painful visit? I will suggest it was for the exact same reason that he brought up painful matters on his previous visit. He loved the people.

You can see his love surface through his sensitivity to grief. Notice, verses 2 and 3. "For if I grieve you, who is left to make me glad but you whom I have grieved? I wrote as I did so that when I came I should not be distressed by those who ought to make me rejoice. I had confidence in all of you, that you would all share my joy." When Paul saw these people again, he didn't want anybody avoiding him. He didn't want people hanging their heads in shame. He didn't want people to say, "Hang on to your hat. Here comes Paul and he's going to read us the riot act." He wanted to celebrate. He wanted to have a good time with them.

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