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Perceptions #200143
"DISAGREEING WITHOUT BEING DISAGREEABLE"
by Norman L. Bales
Several years ago I worshipped with a brother who frequently took issue with me. He articulated his viewpoints in the church foyer, his office, my office and my home. I think he absented himself from school when they taught about tact. Our visits often degenerated into shouting matches. I'd like to say he was the only one who lost his temper, but that's not the truth.
He's no longer with us, but I remember him fondly. I don't miss the shouting matches or being challenged to rebut ideas which I regarded as flaky, but because he never allowed himself to hate. After about an hour of jawboning, he would suggest that we take a break. We didn't even agree on that. He chose coffee and I chose a Coke, but we would sit there across the table and talk about our families, sports loyalties, cars and other non-threatening subjects. He treated me with the utmost respect and friendliness even though we both knew that our basic disagreements remained unresolved. More than any other person I've ever known, I think of him as a person who knew how to disagree without being disagreeable. Non-verbally he said to me, "I don't like what you believe, but you are a likeable person." I respect him for that and I would like to cultivate more of that quality in my own life.
There is nothing in scripture that even allows, much less requires us to hate those who take issue with us. Enemies are to be fed and cared for (Romans 12:20). Paul even prayed for those who deserted him in the face of persecution (II Timothy 4:16).
There is no way for a Christian to agree with the plethora of ideologies being marketed in today's pluralistic society. I take issue with atheists and agnostics, with those who want to police the church and those who want to destroy the church, with liberals and legalists (at least according to the way I define those two classes of people), with racial prejudices and racial quotas, with homosexual behavior and the practice of abortion - I could take up the rest of this space listing the things I don't like. I cannot be true to my conscience and endorse any of these things. Nevertheless my sincerely held conviction does not license me to hate those who dissent. I have the most to lose if I hate those who disagree, because hatred poisons the inner person. The only healthy option is to disagree without being disagreeable.